Ending Rape Culture: An Immodest Proposal

In view of tragedies like this one – oh, and this one. And this one. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. In view of such tragedies, where innocent rapists are shamed and prosecuted for their criminal actions in defiance of their sacred and constitutional right to complete moral irresponsibility, it is clear that there is a problem here that must be addressed.

But I have devised a solution, one which would prevent the continuation of such rapes and abuses, forever.

You see, if the victim is to blame, just like the victim of a tornado or a rabid dog’s bite is, then it logically follows that the rapists are incapable of bearing moral responsibility, like a dog or a tornado. And like a dog or a tornado, there are only two solutions: they need to be either forcibly restrained or decently put down. (We don’t do this to tornadoes yet because we don’t have prisons or guns big enough. Yet.)

Now, since putting down rapists is obviously not a possibility, that leaves us with restraining them. But how can we know who will commit the next rape? It’s not enough to restrain the rapists we know about already – we need to restrain all tomorrow’s rapists too.

Logically, we need to imprison all men, segregating them from women at all times except when vitally necessary for procreation or organ donation – and even in these cases, advances in medical technology should reduce the need for contact between the sexes even in these situations.

Only when they are imprisoned behind unbreachable walls and prevented from ever seeing, hearing or smelling anything that might inspire a rape can men be truly free of the responsibility for preventing its occurrence.

But until such a utopia can be created, I guess men everywhere will just have act like decent human beings, and hope for a day when they are freed of the crushing responsibility of not being a evil shit.

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