The Metrosexual Conspiracy

First off, let’s make one thing clear: I don’t for a second believe that there is a conspiracy of metrosexuals, nor that metrosexuals are a front for any other conspiracy. I’m just in a “what if” kind of mood, is all. So here are my theories.


A Homosexual Agenda:
The most obvious possibility: that by encouraging straight and bi men to act and dress more like the modern stereotype of homosexuals, this forces society to be more accepting of such behaviours, since it is now closer to the mainstream. It also serves to popularise the work of gay fashion deisgners, which again drives acceptance (not to mention the renumerative benefits).

Bread and Circuses:
The ur-conspiracy theory: that Big Brother, Them, the Freemasons, the Stonecutters or whoever it is you think are pulling the strings behind it all have created the metrosexual movement as yet another distraction from their true agenda. While it may in some respects advance their agenda (better exconomic integration of homosexuals, in the long term, will help to smooth the running of the economy), its primary function is as camouflage. It’s one more thing to occupy our brains if we ever get bored with celebrity gossip.

A Homophobic Agenda:
The long straight view: 50 years ago, when the vast majority of homosexuals were closeted, and “fag” still meant something as an insult, it was a golden age for heterosexual men. Everything was simple, and no one rocked the boat. Metrosexuality incorporates gay memes for the purpose of disarming them: once again, it becomes impossible to tell the difference between gay and straight based on obvious external cues. Thus making homophobia easier work, as it now matters less who is targetted.

The United Nations:
One world government requires one world people: by erasing cultural differences between different societal groups, the UN and its backers pave the way for a world in which we are all ruled by a single government, a conformist utopia.

Radical Ecologists:
Metrosexuality encourages heterosexual men to adopt the attitudes and behaviours of homosexual men. It’s a gateway belief system, slowly seducing men into homosexuality – a condition in which they will no longer exacerbate the over-population problem.

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