No, Really?

Tony Abbott was in the news again yesterday. And this time, I’m going to take the lying, scheming, opportunistic, arrogrant little toerag at his word. I’m going to assume that he was actually being as honest as Andrew Bolt would like us all to believe that he was.

I’m going to assume that he really does glory in the sobriquet of “Dr No.”

A quick history lesson: “Dr No” was the title of the first James Bond film. He was the first enemy to be defeated by the ever-dapper Sean Connery in the role of Bond.

He had a simple enough backstory: the child of a German father and a Chinese mother and loved by neither of them, he rose through the ranks of a criminal organisation in China until he had riches enough to escape. Here, his self-proclaimed genius was rejected by both the Soviets and the Americans, and he returned to crime, joining SPECTRE and becoming one its top operatives. He has unusualy strong hands, but little dexterity with them. When Bond encountered him, he tried to recruit Bond to his side, but Bond refused. Taken prisoner by No, Bond escapes and thwarts No’s plan to interfere with American missile testing. No dies as his scheme unravels, a victim of his own hubris more than anything else.

How does this map onto our friend Tony?

  • As the child of two British expatriates in Australia, Tony no doubt also felt unwanted from time to time, not so much by his parents as by his classmates.
  • A boxer in his student days and an Iron Man contestant today, Abbott, like No, is strong but not dextrous. Blunt but never subtle.
  • Like No, Abbott is an enthusiast of nuclear power and tends to ignore necessary safeguards.
  • His “genius” is likewise proclaimed only himself, his mindlessly loyal followers and the occasional opportunist.
  • Also like No, Tony is not capable of building or creating anything himself, merely of spoiling (or attempting to spoil) the plans of others.
  • On a side note, both men attempt and fail to suborn an intelligence agent: Bond for No; Andrew Wilkie for Abbott.

Finally, there are the implied similarities that we have yet to see proof of:

  • No was the servant of a greater master, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Abbott’s Blofeld is presumably either John Howard or Rupert Murdoch.
  • Dr No died in the ruin of his scheme, a victim of his own overconfidence and stubbornness…

…we can but hope that Abbott’s political career ends in the same way.

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