Recently, Scott Morrison has been showing off his new office decor in all its colonialist glory. The man does love his Captain Cook memorabilia. Conspicuously missing from it was a piece that previously had pride of place. It was proudly displaying when he first took over as Prime Minister, but somehow, it seems to have gotten lost.
It’s this, of course: 
This cheap piece of tat that he seemed inordinately proud of. But taking a closer look at it, certain things about this trophy reflect on the man himself. For instance:
He Bought It Himself
Otherwise, why else would it be written in first person?
He Either Bought It As Cheaply As Possible, or He Got Ripped Off
With all due respect to whoever actually made the trophy, it looks like the work experience kid knocked it out while everyone else was at lunch. How else to explain the text justification? I like to think that Scotty paid through the nose for it, because the trophy maker saw him coming, but then I realise that in all probability, Scott didn’t pay a cent for this: the taxpayer did.
He Takes Credit For The Work Of Others
Quick question: how do boats get stopped? Does it take (a) the coordination of hundreds, if not thousands, of naval personnel, intelligence agents, public servants, and police? Or (b) one narcissist in Canberra giving an order to his ministry? If you answered (a), congratulations, you see reality more clearly than Scott Morrison.
There’s No Proof It’s Accurate
Due to former Immigration Minister Scott Morrison’s refusal to discuss what he called “on water matters”, there is no way to prove that current Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s claim, as made on this trophy, is accurate. As with his assurances that he did, indeed, stop the boats (at least until it was politically convenient for them to start up again), we have to take his word for it.
And finally:
Based On All The Points I’ve Listed Above, This Is – At Best – A Participation Trophy
You know, the kind of thing that the parents of millenials insisted that their children be given, apparently so that later on, they could criticise those children for accepting them.
Our Prime Minister. How good is he?